1321th♥
1446hrs
All 5 missed calls were from him.
Attempted to return call more than 5 times but none was answered. When he finally called back about 15 minutes later, I apologised profusely for my absence.
"It's not like I just got to know you yesterday, Tas. As usual, you left your phone on your desk."
We initially made plans to spend this afternoon together but he called me back just after lunch to cancel our plans.
"I can't meet you today, Tas.""Her?""You're smart. Yes, she's already on the way here.""You take care then."I'm not feeling that disappointed. Actually, this provides me with the perfect opportunity to get some errands done.
I intend to do a little something that will probably delight him so.
No, I didn't have a change of heart. I just got sick of all the excuses and apologies I was getting from that certain someone.
1320th♥
2011hrs
There can only be one way for him to know of my plans to meet Love Bunny yesterday afternoon.
There's no mistake about it. He took the chance to read Love Bunny's text messages when my phone was in his possession for that short while.
Maybe that explains why he suddenly turned cold towards me.
So, I waited for him till around 1900hrs to finish work so that we could head home together.
It's the quality of the time spent together that matters. I feel nothing less than contented every time he's with me.
Tonight, he's going to be spending the night less than 1 km away from me but that doesn't make things easier. He won't even be spending a minute in my company.
As he leaned in to kiss me goodbye, he made me the promise of tomorrow.
The nights can never be claimed as ours but one can't stop us from looking forward to the days ahead.
"You have to remember, Tas. If something had happened to you yesterday, Superman would not have been able to be there to save you."You reminded me of how it felt like to have loved you deeply for all those months that have passed us by.
Nothing has really changed. I still love you, Superman.
1319th♥
1534hrs
He kissed me as soon as he saw me this morning.
Is there even the slightest possibility for this to be an everyday thing for us?
1318th♥
2129hrs
Whenever there was a need for us to show our faces in public, his fingers remained interlinked with mine. When it was necessary, he pulled me close to his side. His grip was firm yet gentle. I know he wanted to keep me safe at all costs.
My first time stepping into such a place. Loved the fact that he remained by my side throughout the whole time I was there.
Back into his arms after more than 48 hours of being apart. I find myself wanting more of what he's giving.
You've given me all the necessary explanations and answers to my questions but I still find myself asking why.
For every time I see myself in your eyes, there can only be two things that's going through my mind.
1) The fact that you can never be mine anymore.
2) I'm the reason why you're breaking the promise you made to yourself years ago.
Sweetheart, am I really worth the sacrifice?
If only I could forget about everything that has taken place since 1st February, maybe I would have the courage to tell you those three words everytime we say goodbye.
No one knows what's going to happen tomorrow. I'm not even sure if you're still going to be there when tomorrow comes.
Just let me love you for now.
1317th♥
0916hrs
When the phone rang, I thought it was going to be the vessel's captain again but I saw Superman's number on the screen instead.
"Woken up yet?""Just barely."
"Means you haven't taken your shower etc? Smelly."
"It's not as if you're seeing me today."
"What makes you think so? Well, I have 7 hours to spare. Want to meet up? I will be there to fetch you around 11."
"Should be all right. I'll see you then."
"And don't wear anything extravagant. I'm only in t-shirt and shorts."
"What makes you think I'll be in anything over the top? In your dreams."
"I'll see you later."
If my calculations are right, the 7 hours will overlap the time that I'm supposed to spend with Love Bunny.
I should be more careful with my words. Still, how was I supposed to know that this would really be the first obstacle?
Fated, yes. Coincidence, no.
Since this is the path I decided to take, I might as well learn to make my own decisions. It's not possible for me to be in two places at one time so I must try to turn the circumstances into my favour.
The one thing that all three of us wants is the best of both worlds. Can we?
1316th♥
2320hrs
Received the parents' blessings late this evening.
From now onwards, I will need to take better care of myself and not make them worry unduly for my safety.
Another challenge for tomorrow. I will need to break the news to Love Bunny. I can't wait to see his reaction though.
I already told Superman about it on Thursday. I just didn't tell him that the change will be taking effect this weekend.
It wouldn't have been possible without 2nd sis and bro-in-law. Therefore, thank you for this super advanced 21st birthday present.
Fulfilled dreams. For now, there's nothing more that I can ask for.
051109 - a date worth remembering.
P/s: Superman, I miss you.
1315th♥
1429hrs
"You're afraid that you won't be able to see me anymore should I decide to change my job right?"Some questions doesn't need a verbal answer and this is definitely one of them, sweetheart.
5th November 2009
Like always, we just had one aim to fulfill and that is to avoid detection. Still, for every stop we made along the way, we couldn’t help but to bump into someone or a few others who knew of our identities.
We didn’t need to say it out aloud. It was getting dangerous and we had to do all we could to protect ourselves. Thank goodness for those tinted windows. It made things a little easier for us to hide.
Despite the danger, our smiles never wavered. For me, being there for him was all that matters.
I innocently thought it was just going to be another outing where we’ll be talking to our hearts’ content and making things right but like everything which took place yesterday, I was again proven wrong.
“Can I sit beside you, Tas?”
“Go ahead. There’s no reason for me to refuse you.”
“Are you sure that you want to give up all this time just to be with me?”
“It’s not as if I can do this for you everyday.”
For those two hours;
All that I saw was you.
All that I breathed in was you.
All that I touched was you.
It was never this way.
Back then, I only hugged you for that one time and that was only because I asked you to allow me to do so. Even then, you didn’t return the gesture. You merely waited for it to be over.
So this time when you made the first move and pulled me close to you, I wrapped my arms around your waist and held you tight. I was so afraid that everything was merely an illusion, that I would see all of it disappearing before my very eyes the moment I choose to let go.
Dearest, you certainly didn’t disappoint. You turned my dreams into reality.
“What are you thinking about, Tas?”
“I’m done thinking. You’re the one who has been doing the thinking for the past few weeks.”
“Still, I’m not thinking of anything else for now.”"Where should I drop you off?""Anywhere that's convenient for you. I don't mind even if I have to walk in the rain.""No. I'll only let you alight indoors."All eyes were on us. He waited till we were away from prying eyes before he allowed me to alight.
"No, Tas. Don't go down that way. Turn your body to this direction and look at me as you make your descent. Slowly does it and be careful."Halfway down the steps, I stopped and looked back at him.
"Take care.""No, you take care of yourself. I see you later, Tas."Words are just words until you decide to put them into action. That was what he did about an hour afterwards. I started to smile the moment his number appeared on my phone.
"Are you meeting me afterwards?""Do you want to?""Only if you can.""I may not be able to spend much time with you but I'll try my best. I'll call you later to confirm this afternoon's arrangement."He called me back sometime before 1730hrs and said he'll be fetching me from the lift lobby upon his arrival at the premises. He disregarded the presence of others and headed straight for me.
I didn't need to say anything. As soon as I got into his car, he held my hands and gently rubbed warmth into them.
"You're too cold."
"It's OK. The warmth can always come from you.""Tas, are you sure...."
"No questions. Once I have decided upon something, I don't want to think about any other possibilities."
"I was just about to ask if you're OK."
"Then yes, I'm all right with it."
We talked for a while more before he told me that it was time for him to leave.
"Don't worry, I understand. You have already done so much for me today.""You take care. Remember that I won't be here tomorrow. I'll see you on Monday. That should be the earliest.""This is only the start, Tas." He leaned over and kissed me on the right cheek. Gently, I touched his face and held his gaze for a while longer.
"You ought to get going. I'll be all right.""You sure that there's nothing more that I can do for you?""Definitely no. Take care."He waited for me to walk to the staircase landing before he went on his way. I made a diversion at the last minute and headed for the shops instead of going up to my house. Less than 5 minutes later, he called me up.
"What is it, love?""Safely back home, Tas?""No. I'm going to buy some things for Mom.""You should have told me earlier. We could have gotten it together.""It's nothing. So don't trouble yourself over it."
"Earlier on, I forgot to tell you something. Today is the official start of things. Are you all right with it?""I have no strong opinions on it.""There's one rule to go along with it though.""Tell me and we'll work things out.""Are you happy, Tas?""Truly happy.""Because of the time spent with me or because of what I did to you?""Both. Definitely both.""I'm reaching the pick up point now. I'll try to contact you by Saturday if possible. If not, I'll see you again on Monday.""Lets leave all the questions to Monday. Therefore, we will have a longer time to prepare ourselves.""Don't let anything happen to you, Tas because I care.""I see you on Monday then. Bye."It's been more than 24 hours now and I have yet to change my mind about us. He was right when he said I'll be missing him so.
Superman.
It's been more than a month since our discussion and I really thought we had decided not to go ahead with this. So, what on earth happened that caused you to change your mind about us?
If only.
1314th♥
2201hrs
"Good morning, Tasz. Maybe your phone needs a rest. That's why it's not working properly."
"Good morning, Isz. Stay safe and happy working. Hugs."
Another text message came in just as I was about to go back to sleep.
"You too, Tasz. By the way, it's the 5th. May this friendship stay cool forever."
That was all it took to get me out of bed. Before sending a reply, I practically forced myself to reread his text message a couple of times to make sure that I wasn't dreaming.
"Ahhh.. You remembered. Yay! Thank you so much for not disappointing me. Sayang you so the many2, smelly bunny. Happy seventh, sweetheart."
"Don't be late to work, Taszy."
With happy thoughts in my head, I logged in to Facebook as soon as I reached work and updated my status.
That was it, or so I thought but that boy actually had something else up his sleeve because after work when I logged in to Facebook again after taking my shower, this was what I saw:
It used to be just me doing stuff for our anniversary but today, he took up the primary role of wishing me a happy anniversary first. I can only say that he made a pretty good job out of it.
Wishing me a happy anniversary so publicly on his FB? There was no way he could go wrong with that.
I was so touched that I started shedding tears of joy.
It didn't just end there though. He then sought me out on Poker and continued from where we left off.
Thank you so much for making the 7th a special one. Love you, smelly bunny.
1313th♥
2104hrs
If everything means nothing to you, then you shall be treated in the same way.
1312th♥
2341hrs
Superman came to my rescue at the right time yesterday morning.
"Forgotten your wallet again?"
"No, wallet's here. It's something else."
I knew he was thinking about the last time I refused to ask for his help and went ahead with another instead. Until today, that remains to be a point of regret for us. That was probably the turning point in our lives.
Still, that boy couldn't stop laughing as soon as he learnt of the real circumstances.
"You're turning 21 soon and yet you can't take care of yourself?"
"Just shut up and continue to drive. This is certainly not funny at all."
"I can't believe that this happened to you."
"Just shut up before I turn nasty."
I left him as soon as he stopped the car and went up to my house. When I came down about 10 minutes later, he was playing quietly on his PSP.
"So fast?"
"How long did you expect me to be?"
"Shower maybe? Also, a fresh set of clothing maybe?"
"Definitely no. I'm not that fussy."
Just said a simple goodbye to each other back at the office before we went our separate ways. As I watched him walking down the stairs, all I thought was,"maybe, it's not too late to make amends."
I used to blame him for not being there for me, for leaving me all alone. I thought I meant nothing to him, that he would never care about the pain I went through.
The prolonged silence and list of assumptions led us to the path of misunderstandings.
It was only recently that I come to realise how much I affected his life and the amount of guilt he feels for everything he has done towards me. Of course, all this information was slowly derived from the clues he drops every now and then.
We can't turn back time, sweetheart.
It's already a consolation for me to be the first runner up. I can't ask for anything more. Also, at this juncture, I don't think I even want anything else from you.
We have done everything that we could possibly do.
Insyallah, you'll be one of the first few people to know about it when I've found my happiness.
He said,"Don't feel curiga towards me because what I am is what I am."
Then, do not give me any reason to doubt you, love bunny.
*crossing my fingers for tomorrow*
That was it, or so I thought but that boy actually had something else up his sleeve because after work when I logged in to Facebook again after taking my shower, this was what I saw:
